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A few principles of Southern Etiquette to remember
March 20th 2019
Southerners know their summer weather report: Humiditiy. Humidity. Humidity.
Southerners know their vacation spots: The beach. The rivuh. The crick.
Southern women know everybody's first name: Honey. Darlin'. Shugah.
Southern women know the movies that speak to her heart: Fried Green Tomatoes. Driving Miss Daisy. Steel Magnolias. Gone With The Wind.
Southerners know their religions: Baptist. Methodist. Football.
Southern women know their cities dripping with Southern charm: Chawl'stn. S'vanah. Foat Wuth. N'awlins. Addlanna.
Southern women know their elegant gentleman: Men in uniform. Men in tuxedos. Rhett Butler.
Southern girls know their prime real estate: The Mall. The Country Club. The Beauty Salon.
Southern girls know the 3 deadly sins: Having bad hair and nails. Having bad manners. Cooking bad food.
More Suthen-ism's: One a Southerner knows the difference between a hissie fit and a conniption fit, and that you don't "HAVE" them, you "PITCH" them.
Only a Southerner knows how many fish, collard greens, turnip greens, peas, beans, etc. make up a "mess".
Only a Southerner can show or point out to you the general direction of "yonder".
Only a Southerner knows exactly how long "directly" is as in: "Going to town, be back directly".
Even Southern babies know that "Gimme some sugar" is not a request the white, granulate sweet substance that sits in a pretty little bowl in the middle of the table.
All Southerners know exactly when "by the by" is. The might not use the term, but they know the concept well.
Only a Southerner knows instinctively that the best gesture of solace for a neighbor who's got into trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big bowl of cold potato salad. If the neighbor's trouble is a real crisis, they also know to add a large banana puddin'!
Only Southerners grow up know the difference between "right near" and "right far piece". They also know that "just down the road" can be 1 mile or 20.
Only a Southerner both knows and understands the difference between a redneck, a good ol' boy and po' white trash.
No true Southerner would ever assume that the car with the flashing turn signal is actually going to make a turn.
A Southerner knows that "fixin'" can be used as a non, a verb or an adverb.
Only Southerners make friends while standing in lines... and when we're in line, we talk to everybody!
Put 100 Southerners in a room and half of them will discover they're related, if only by marriage.
In the South, y'all is singular. All y'all is plural.
Every Southerner knows tomatoes with eggs, bacon, grits, and coffee are perfectly wonderful; that red eye gravy is also a breakfast food; and that fried green tomatoes are not a breakfast food.
When you hear someone say, "Well, I caught myself lookin'", you know you are in the presence of a genuine Southerner!
Only true Southerners say "sweet tea" and "sweet milk". Sweet tea indicates the need for sugar and lots of it-we do not like our tea unsweetened. "Sweet milk" means you don't want buttermilk.
And a true Southerner knows you don't scream obscenities at little old ladies who drive 30 MPH on the freeway. You just say, "Bless her heart." and go on your way.
To those of you who are still a little embarrassed by your Southerness: Take two tent revivals and a dose of sausage gravy and call me in the morning. Bless your heart!
And to those of you who are still having a hard time understanding all this Southern stuff... bless your hearts, I hear they are fixin' to have classes on Southern ess as a second language!
And for those who are not from the South but have lived hear for a long time, all y'all need a sign to hand on y'all's front porch that reads, "I ain't from the South but I got here as fast as I could".
Southern girls know men may come and go but friend are fahevah!